Register or Sign in        Email This Page     Link To This Page    
Visit MND at MBA in NYC!
1,270
# of Questions

You do not have permission to post in these forums.  Join Now or Sign In to post.

Page 2 of 2 (28 items) < Previous 1 2
Post Statistics: 1,694 Views, 27 Replies
Latest Post: Wed, Oct 15 2008 4:14 PM by Rob Storm
  • Wed, Oct 8 2008 9:44 AM

    Funny Funny

    I think I pee'd myself a little from laughing.

     - View My Profile
    Renovation Specialist
    Fifth Third Bank
    steve@stevefishman.com
    (440) 887-4310
  • Wed, Oct 8 2008 11:32 AM

    Steven Fishman:
    Funny Funny

     

    I think I pee'd myself a little from laughing.

    Did you have a water bottle handy?

     - View My Profile
    Mortgage Consultant
    M & M Mortgage, LLC #213677
    kmikkola@themmmortgage.com
    (651) 558-9807
  • Wed, Oct 8 2008 4:19 PM

    Here is one for Halloween.

     

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.  She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
    handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.                       
                                                                          
    She asks him why he is staring.  He replies: "I have a question to ask,
    but I don't want to offend you."                                    
                                                                  
    She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me.  When you're as old as I
    am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
    just about everything.  I'm sure that there's nothing you could say
    or ask that I would find offensive."                                        
                                                                          
    "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."       
        
                                                                          
    She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:  #1, you
    have to
    be single and #2, you must be Catholic."                             
                                                                          
    The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and
    Catholic!"
                                                                          
    "OK" the nun says.  "Pull into the next alley."         
             
                                                                          
    The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
                                                                          
    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.    
                                                                          
    "My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"     
              
                                                                          
    "Forgive me but I've sinned.  I lied and I must confess; I'm
    married and
    I'm Jewish."      

    The nun says, "That's OK.  My name is Kevin and I'm going to a
    Halloween party."

  • Wed, Oct 8 2008 4:32 PM

    From the Best of Craigslist:

    It's me! Every girl ever.


    Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST

    Knock knock

    Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

    Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

    You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

    Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

    Come on into the living room.

    Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

    Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

    And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

    Let's go back into the hallway!

    Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

    Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

    Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

    Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

    Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

    Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

    Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

    See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

    Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

    I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

    Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

     - View My Profile
    Mortgage Consultant
    M & M Mortgage, LLC #213677
    kmikkola@themmmortgage.com
    (651) 558-9807
  • Mon, Oct 13 2008 1:22 PM

    Brandie :

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.  She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
    handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.                       
                                                                          
    She asks him why he is staring.  He replies: "I have a question to ask,
    but I don't want to offend you."                                    
                                                                  
    She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me.  When you're as old as I
    am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
    just about everything.  I'm sure that there's nothing you could say
    or ask that I would find offensive."                                        
                                                                          
    "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."       
        
                                                                          
    She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:  #1, you
    have to
    be single and #2, you must be Catholic."                             
                                                                          
    The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and
    Catholic!"
                                                                          
    "OK" the nun says.  "Pull into the next alley."         
             
                                                                          
    The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
                                                                          
    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.    
                                                                          
    "My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"     
              
                                                                          
    "Forgive me but I've sinned.  I lied and I must confess; I'm
    married and
    I'm Jewish."      

    The nun says, "That's OK.  My name is Kevin and I'm going to a
    Halloween party."

     

    Absolutely hilarious!!!!

     - View My Profile
    Broker
    Prestige Lending Solutions
  • Mon, Oct 13 2008 1:48 PM

    Kent Mikkola:
    From the Best of Craigslist:

     

    It's me! Every girl ever.


    Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST

    Knock knock

    Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

    Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

    You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

    Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

    Come on into the living room.

    Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

    Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

    And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

    Let's go back into the hallway!

    Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

    Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

    Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

    Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

    Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

    Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

    Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

    See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

    Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

    I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

    Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

     

     

    I know for a FACT that I dated this chick!

  • Mon, Oct 13 2008 2:42 PM

    Brian Conner:

    I know for a FACT that I dated this chick!

     

    Didn't we all... lol

     - View My Profile
    Mortgage Consultant
    M & M Mortgage, LLC #213677
    kmikkola@themmmortgage.com
    (651) 558-9807
  • Wed, Oct 15 2008 4:14 PM

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are Politics?"

    Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: 
     
    1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President. 
    2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. 
    3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. 
    4. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. 
    5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.

     

    "Now, think about that and see if it makes sense." 

    So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up t o check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. 

    So, the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes door locked, He looks in the keyhole and finds his father in bed with the Nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. 

     

    The next morning, the little boy says to his Father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." 

     

    The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class, while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ***."

     

    Politics Defined 

     - View My Profile
    Broker
    Prestige Lending Solutions
Page 2 of 2 (28 items) < Previous 1 2
X
Track Mortgage Rates Daily with our Free Daily Rate Updates. There are several ways to follow daily rate movements, including:
Email Address:   Zip Code:  
RSS - Subscribe to our Daily Rate Update RSS Feed.
Twitter - Follow our Daily Rate Update on Twitter.
Facebook - Follow our Daily Rate Update on Facebook.
Bookmark - Bookmark our rates page and visit daily for updates.
Mobile Apps - There's an App for this too. Learn more about our Mobile Apps.